Melly Was Here

wife, mother, teacher, runner, writer, lover, fighter

I am a Tough Mudder, Part Two

on October 21, 2012

Ok, so after the Electric Eel, I had a new fear of electricity. I knew there was another electric obstacle at the end, but also a ‘mystery obstacle.’

Next up was Just the Tip. It totally reminded me of Ninja Warrior. I did not want to fall in the water. I just took my time and got through it without falling in. That was the key, taking it slowly.

Next was the Mystery Obstacle. It was a nightmare called Dark Lightening. It was a pitch dark tunnel with water AND ELECTRIC SHOCK. I skipped it. I just couldn’t face all three of those things at once. I could hear grown men screaming. Lots of people skipped it. That’s just madness.

My favorite obstacle was next. The Mud Mile. It was just pit of mud after pit of mud. Slippery, ookie, gookie mud. We were covered in mud from head to toe. I slipped and screamed and was so warm and cozy, I didn’t want to get out. All of us ladies were joking that most women pay good money for such mud at the spa. I don’t think it was a mile, though.

Then came Hold Your Wood. We had to pick up a log and carry it. I carried it on my hip like a mommy carries her baby. No biggie. I got mama hips.

This was about Mile 8. I’ll admit, I started to get really tired of the whole thing by this point. My attitude started getting bad. But, then I thought about Lance and his experience. I didn’t want to ruin it for him, so I held my tongue and just smiled through it.

Then was Funky Monkey. This was the one obstacle I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do. We had gone to the elementary school to practice and I couldn’t even make it half way. These are slopped UP. I watched Lance do it just fine and I then another chick made it across (everyone cheered for her, including me). I stood there for a while and looked into the water. There were two ladies behind me who said, “Screw it,” and jumped in. I decided to give it a try and ended up in the water like I thought. I swam across and Lance lifted me out.

Next was Underwater Tunnels. No big deal. Just some barrels to swim under. I had conquered that wall in Arctic Enema and wasn’t phased.

This was Mile 10. Two more miles and we were done. Two more. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was going to do this.

Then, was the next set of Berlin Walls. These were 12 feet tall. We were tired. Lance was tired. He boosted me up the first one. I froze. It was freaking HIGH. I yelled, “I’m scared!” I didn’t know how I was going to get down. But, then, I fell. 12 feet. I fell 12 feet onto my elbows. A bunch of military guys ran over to help me. I jumped up and said, “I’m ok! I’m ok.” And, I was. It would hurt later, but it didn’t right then. Lance got over with some help and then helped a few people over. Then, he threw me up the second one. “I’M SCARED!” I yelled again. One of the awesome military men came over and helped me down, bless his heart.

Then came another mud pit. I was so sick of mud at this time and made it a point to walk slowly so as not to get covered in mud up to my eyeballs. But, some guy came up behind me and splashed so much I got covered anyway. At this point, I knew there were only a few more obstacles, so all I could do was laugh.

After that was another pond. Everyone was tired and quiet at this point. We just rinsed off and waded through.

Next was Everest. I honestly did not think I was going to be able to get up it once I saw it. I decided I was going to give myself three tries and then go around. Lance got up with no problem. In fact, I think Lance almost launched himself over that bad boy. After Lance was up, I gave it a try. I started to0 far back and slipped a little in the mud. I wasn’t able to get enough momentum to make it to Lance’s hands. I fell and slipped down to the mud. Lance said it looked like it hurt, but the ramp was pretty bouncy and it didn’t bother me. Then, I saw Kraken again. Bitch was sitting up on the top of that ramp, looking at me like I was nothing. Lance said he saw the look on my face and knew I was going to be able to make it up. After letting several other people jump in front of me and benefit from Lance’s strong arms, I gave it another try. I ran up and reached Lance’s hands. Lance grabbed one hand and another guy grabbed the other. I yelled, “Don’t give up! Come on, guys, don’t let go!” They pulled and pulled, but just couldn’t do it. I made eye contact with a third man and yelled, “Grab my leg! Grab it!” He grabbed me and was able to help the other two pull my butt up on the wall. I whopped and hollered and was so glad to be up on that damn ramp. We climbed down and knew we had one more obstacle to go and we were done.

And, it was a bad one. Electroshock Therapy. But, I could see the beer, blankets and chicks with orange headbands on the other side. I was going to do it and then I would be done. We lined up and the guy said, “Go!” I took off and ran for dear life. I don’t remember anything about this obstacle. I honestly don’t. Lance fell three times and GOT UP THREE TIMES. Then, he went back and help some other guy out. I have so much respect for him, falling and getting up like that. I am married to a total stud.

We had done it. I am not going to lie, I cried. I have never in my life physically challenged myself like that and I kicked ass. I got my headband (and wore it all day, even into the gas station to buy beer), my beer and my foil blanket. And, I stood there and cried.

There was supposed to be an afterparty, but we just wanted to get the heck out of there. We got our backpacks and headed to the car. We cleaned up as best we could, took some pictures and found a drive thru to eat a huge greasy cheeseburger. The car felt so good. It was so warm. I never wanted to be cold again. Lance and I sat in the car and talked while we ate our junk food. I felt great.

It was so good for us, Lance and me. In our entire almost 19 years of marriage we have never had a common interest. This was something we trained for and accomplished together. He is my best friend in the whole world and I am so glad that I got to share this with him.

Besides that, my favorite thing about the whole experience was the spirit. Everyone helped each other. We laughed and encouraged each other. The military people that were there were so awesome. I have never been around so many men like my Lance. Good men. I will be forever thankful to the guy who helped me off that last Berlin Wall.

We got home and cleaned up. I changed into my Spongebob jammie pants and ate pizza. And drank more beer. Lance, my mom and I sat and talked for a long time. And then, we slept. It was the best feeling. To be home with my family, to be warm and well fed and sore. To have known that I set a goal and then met it. I felt like there was just nothing I couldn’t do.

The bruises I have are splendid. I keep looking at them and showing them to random people. I will be sad when they fade.

Next up? Dirty Girl in December. Bring it on.


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