Melly Was Here

wife, mother, teacher, runner, writer, lover, fighter

I Got The Fever

on April 10, 2013

This time of year kills me. Spring Fever. The weather gets nice, the yard gets green and it dawns on me that summer vacation is just weeks away. All I want to do is sit in my back yard and read. Or run. Or daydream. Sundance has homework to do and I just cannot bring myself to make him sit down and do it. Butch hasn’t done his chores yet, but I kind of don’t care. We all have things we’d rather be doing. I would rather wander around in the backyard, snipping herbs and trimming the roses. I would rather turn on the hose and water the grass. Or open all the windows and lay on my bed.

earnestpond

At school, my body aches to be outside. I can’t blame my students for not wanting to focus on lessons. They do not want to sit and listen. They want to be at the playground or the pool, the ballpark or the zoo. They can feel it in the air: Spring is here.

I can’t focus either.

On anything. I don’t want to pay bills or answer emails. I don’t want to lesson plan or cook. I certainly don’t want to do my taxes or enter assessment data. I have all this nervous energy and there are so many things I want to do, but it is impossible for me to focus on any one thing – so I do nothing. Which makes me feel even more restless and even a little bad about myself.

This is the time of year I daydream about giving up teaching and being a writer. My books are so successful, we can afford to move to acreage in the country. I look out the huge picture window in my office for inspiration. I have video conferences with my agent and sit behind my desk so she can’t see I haven’t put pants on. I take time off from writing to volunteer at the boys’ school (for that, I wear pants). I go work at the coffee shop to get out of the maid’s hair so she can clean (hey, it’s a day dream, ok?).

All of this nervous energy (and my inability to channel it) exhausts me. And I find the only thing I am capable of doing well at all is counting down the days to summer vacation. To when I can spend my days doing what I want and not feel guilty.

58.


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