Melly Was Here

wife, mother, teacher, runner, writer, lover, fighter

Setting My Goals by the Way I Define Myself – Fighter

on October 18, 2013

boxing gloves

Seven years ago, my baby boy was diagnosed with autism.  I cried for three weeks.  And, then my husband -my smart kick ass husband sent me an article about autism being treated with biomedical interventions (diet and supplements). I read it and then threw away all the dairy in the house.  A week later, my three-year old son who had never spoken a sentence said to me, “You’re beautiful.”  It was the beginning of my amazing  little boy growing and learning and turning into the 10-year-old that he is now.  Of course, we still have a long way to go – but we have the fight in us.  I do.  My man does.  My boys do.  Autism can kiss my ass.

I manage anxiety and depression.  I think it started with the birth of my first son.  Post partum depression that was never treated.   Then, it was event after event – some that I didn’t choose or have control over – that just added onto the load I was carrying on my back.  A few years ago, I fell apart.  Of course, I worked with a few people at the time that kicked me when I was down and that didn’t help either.

I honestly don’t know how I got out of bed and went to work in the morning.

I started therapy and am now on anti anxiety meds.  But, there are times I can feel those old feelings bubbling up, right below the surface.  Times I get anxious about raising my boys right or times I get sad missing my brother or my dad.  Times I get overwhelmed or angry at the people I mentioned before.

But, I fight it.  With the help of my family and friends – and Lexapro – I fight it.

Those are my big two: Autism and Anxiety.  They are what I fight.  I will never stop fighting to  help  Sundance overcome his disability.  I don’t want to start a big debate, but I believe very strongly that autism can be treated.  It isn’t easy, but that’s what I believe.

I will never stop fighting my anxiety, because I cannot go back to how I lived back then.  I cannot put my family through that again.  Ever.

One of my goals that I think falls under this category is to be more informed about the world around me.  For a long time, I didn’t read or watch the news.  I just couldn’t handle other people’s bad news.  I was too sad.  But, now, I’m ok.  I can handle it.  I need to be more informed.  Because I am a fighter and some people need help with their fights.

There are good fights out there. There are things that are worth fighting for.  Health, beauty, goodness, justice.  And good fights need good people.

3 responses to “Setting My Goals by the Way I Define Myself – Fighter

  1. Aww its ok that he was diagnosed with Autism. It doesn’t mean he is any different from anyone else, he just thinks and processes things differently. I am sure that it took a bit to understand that yourself. When you are a parent all you want is what is best for your kids and when they are diagnosed with something like this it is really hard. Autistic kids are some of the smartest and friendliest kids I know. I know this because my nephew has autism too, and he is 11. Thanks for sharing this, I am going to forward this to my sister.

  2. susanhomeschooling says:

    When you pick yourself up and keep fighting to help your son, that is commendable. Autism is exhausting. I’m praying that God will help you and your son to continue improving in your outlook!

  3. Melly says:

    Thanks for commenting, Renee. While I think that people with autism are amazing, I will never be ok with autism.

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