Melly Was Here

wife, mother, teacher, runner, writer, lover, fighter

11 Things I’ve Learned By Being Happily Married for 20 Years

on December 31, 2013


20 years ago, I married the love of my life.  We were young and poor.  The day we got married, a co-worker of his mother told us to remember how much we loved each other when we were splitting a can of biscuits for dinner.  We did. When things got bad (and they did, because that’s life) we remembered.  We remembered why we were together.  Because we love each other.

Now, while love is the cornerstone of any long-term marriage – and I truly believe that – love is not the only element of a successful marriage.   So, without further ado, 11 Things I’ve Learned Being Married for 20 Years:

  • Love him.  Don’t try to change him.
  • Talk him up, never tear him down.  Talk him up to him, to your kids, to your friends, to his friends, to your mom, his mom.  And make sure he really hears it.
  • Be thoughtful.  The little things mean a lot.
  • Notice the little things he does for you.  And thank him for them.
  • Don’t take everything personally or read into things.  If he left his socks on the bathroom floor, it’s not because he doesn’t respect you or because he thinks you’ll pick them up.  He left his socks on the bathroom floor because he forgot to pick his socks up off the bathroom floor.
  • Sex.  Have it with him.  To be closer and to express your love.  Don’t use it as a weapon or a manipulation.
  • Just be nice to him.  Even if you’re angry.   You can be angry without being mean.
  • Respect him.  Respect his ideas and his feelings.
  • Laugh together.
  • Be interested in his passions and invite him to participate in yours.
  • Dream together.  And, then make a plan to make those dreams happen.  Then, do the work. Together.

5 responses to “11 Things I’ve Learned By Being Happily Married for 20 Years

  1. Melly says:

    Thanks for the comments! yay! I love comments!

  2. Love your list. Happy Anniversary!

    May I add one?

    If he chronically leaves the peanut butter out, uncapped, rather than be mad, put a fake cock roach in it. Every day if you must. It makes it fun for the whole family.

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