Melly Was Here

wife, mother, teacher, runner, writer, lover, fighter

11 Things I’ve Learned By Being Happily Married for 20 Years

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20 years ago, I married the love of my life.  We were young and poor.  The day we got married, a co-worker of his mother told us to remember how much we loved each other when we were splitting a can of biscuits for dinner.  We did. When things got bad (and they did, because that’s life) we remembered.  We remembered why we were together.  Because we love each other.

Now, while love is the cornerstone of any long-term marriage – and I truly believe that – love is not the only element of a successful marriage.   So, without further ado, 11 Things I’ve Learned Being Married for 20 Years:

  • Love him.  Don’t try to change him.
  • Talk him up, never tear him down.  Talk him up to him, to your kids, to your friends, to his friends, to your mom, his mom.  And make sure he really hears it.
  • Be thoughtful.  The little things mean a lot.
  • Notice the little things he does for you.  And thank him for them.
  • Don’t take everything personally or read into things.  If he left his socks on the bathroom floor, it’s not because he doesn’t respect you or because he thinks you’ll pick them up.  He left his socks on the bathroom floor because he forgot to pick his socks up off the bathroom floor.
  • Sex.  Have it with him.  To be closer and to express your love.  Don’t use it as a weapon or a manipulation.
  • Just be nice to him.  Even if you’re angry.   You can be angry without being mean.
  • Respect him.  Respect his ideas and his feelings.
  • Laugh together.
  • Be interested in his passions and invite him to participate in yours.
  • Dream together.  And, then make a plan to make those dreams happen.  Then, do the work. Together.
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The Next Run

I set a goal to run 500 miles in 2013.  Last year at this time it didn’t seem like such an unreasonable goal.  I was planning my first half marathon and planned to get at least 10 miles in a week for sure.

There are five days left of 2013 and I have logged 442 miles.  I need to run over 10 miles a day to reach that goal by New Year’s Eve.   I started talking about it to my husband.  He got that look on his face that says, “I want to support you, but I really don’t want you to hurt yourself.”   He gets this look on his face more often than I care to admit.   When I mentioned it on Facebook, a runner friend then asked how many miles I had to complete.  When I told him, he said, “Oh. Hmmmm.”

I think this is a goal I am going to have to let go.  I know I could bust my butt and get there.  But, at what cost?  There are many important things I wanted to do over this Christmas break – namely spending time with the boys, resting and recharging.  Sure, I’ll be running, but I’m not going to lie when I say that 10 plus miles a day sounds like no fun.  No fun at all.

I know why I didn’t make it to 500 miles:  After the two half marathons I ran, I felt burned out and didn’t run for a couple of weeks.  Next time, I’ll get out there and at least walk to log some miles.   There were also quite a few weeks that I simply did not make the time get out there.  I just didn’t make it a priority.   I’ll work on that too for sure.

I’m going to look at this as a learning experience.  As much as I hate not meeting this goal I set for myself, I am not going to beat myself up for it.  If this were a friend of mine,  I’d say, “Well, 442 miles was still pretty good!  You’ll do it next year!”  I’m going to say that to myself.  I’m going to celebrate the runs and races I ran that went well.  I’m going to celebrate my firsts.  I’m going to remember the races I ran with my friends.  But, I’m also going to be ok with those runs that didn’t go so well and the goal I didn’t achieve. Because, I’m a runner.  And, that’s the great thing about running:  Being better is only as far away as the next run.

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I’m coming for you, 2014!

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Race Report – The Illuminations Half Marathon, San Antonio, Texas

On Saturday, I ran the inaugural Illuminations Half Marathon at the JW Marriott Resort and Spa here in San Antonio.   I have always wanted to run an inaugural event, so I can say, “I have run that race every year since the beginning,” and then act all cool and stuff.

It was a big day for me.  I got up early and ran the Dirty Girl Mud Run with three of my friends.  I thought I’d have lots of time to get eat, get home and take a nap before I had to get up and get to the Marriott to get my packet.  I would have liked another hour of sleep before.  But, I got up, popped a few Immodium AD’s and put on my lucky tank top.

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My Mrs. Incredible tank from the Disneyland Half. No capes!

I headed out to meet up with my friend, Tuck, and we headed over to the Marriott.  We got our packets, checked our bags and bundled up.

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Do I look scared? I am.

It was a frigid 32 degrees when we started and it just kept getting colder.  The course was the cart path of the resort’s golf course.  I hadn’t looked at the elevation map and was shocked at how steep the hills were! Note to self: Check the elevation map!  Oh my goodness, those hills were killer.  I had to walk up many of them.

Running is often a mental challenge.  Anyone can run, it’s just a matter of having your head in the right place.  I always knew that.  But, this event was the first time a run messed with my head.  It was dark and cold.  Really dark and really cold, which made it seem way longer than 13.1 miles.   There were a few times I just wanted to catch a ride back to the starting line.  Thank goodness for Tuck and my iPod.  They got me through it.

The race was touted as an “illuminated night race.”  My only issue with the race was the lack of  lights.  I was expecting lots of pretty lights and there were just paper bags with battery operated tea lights in them.  Many of them were not lit and knocked over.  But, it was the inaugural event and besides some path issues I had,  that was the only thing that bothered me.  I know next year, it’ll be better.  I did enjoy seeing all the other runners and the creative ways they lit themselves up.  There was even a person running in a Christmas tree costume.

All in all, a very nice event.  The medal and the shirt are beautiful.   Right now, I say that I won’t ever run in the cold like that again, but I know that if it is cold like that next year I’ll run it again (please, Dear Lord, don’t let it be that cold next year).

A special shout out to the employees at the JW Marriott Resort and Spa.  What a bunch of class acts.  If  you are ever in San Antonio for vacation, you should stay there.  It is a lovely place.

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Me and Tuck at the finish line. I’m not gonna lie, there were tears.

That’s the last race of the year.  I’ve still got some running to do though, to make my goal of 500 miles this year.  Gotta keep going!

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Life Lessons

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Lance and Melly Plan to Rule the World.

Where is the time going?!?  The world is spinning so fast!  Slow down!

I did pretty well on the October Blogging Challenge.  Didn’t get 30 posts, but I wrote more than 20 and found some really cool blogs that I have been visiting regularly.  I’m calling it a success.

Then, life happened.  I got totally busy and overwhelmed.  I had a teenie tiny little breakdown and had to spend several days looking at my life and habits and the people I allow into my life.   I am currently shopping therapists.  I think it’s time I get back into therapy and do some maintenance on my mental health (more on this later).

Lance and I have dedicated ourselves to spending more time together.  We decided to spend more time with each other as we pursue our interests.  I have been golfing with my loves (well, I read and get driven around in the golf cart while they golf) and Lance has agreed to help me organize the house.

I am calling our household reorg. “Lance and Melly’s World Domination Plan.”  I know all the world leaders have organized master closets.  I just know it.

Here are the steps:

1. Purge all the crap we don’t need or use.

2. Organize what is left.

3. Rule the world!

I am using a method I read about years ago in a book called How Not to Be a Messy.  It is by the founder of Messies Anonymous.  The method is called the Mount Vernon Method.

The Mount Vernon Method is a systematic way of organizing and cleaning.  It says to start at the front door and work your way through the house.  Where ever you stop for the day, you pick up and begin there the next.

I didn’t start at the front door, I started in the master closet.  It was one of the worst areas in the house.  I found clothes I forgot I had. Seriously, it was that bad.  I plan to get a post up about it soon, just need to add the finishing touches and take some pics.

Then, we moved on to the master bath.  Lance built some shelves and put up some hooks.  I am getting ready to paint.  It looks so much better already, can’t wait until it is done!

Yesterday, I spent some time working on our bedroom.  It is going to be a big chore.  Two to three weekends at least.  But, I refuse to get overwhelmed.  Baby steps to world domination.  Baby steps.

Next, we will work our way through the living room, purging and organizing.  Then the hall closet, the downstairs bathroom, the laundry room, the kitchen and the dining room.  Next, we will head upstairs.  We’ll do the game room (not looking forward to the toy closet), the boys’ rooms (this will involve some serious lessons on keeping our rooms clean so mom does not get a headache when she enters) and bathroom.

Then, the guest room/office.  Da da duuuuuuum.  This room, where I sit typing this, is second only to the garage in messy.  I literally cannot open the closet door.  There was an avalanche in there months ago and I have just been ignoring it.  But, I want to use this room for my writing and crafting.  So, it’s gotta get cleaned up.  And, I can’t do it alone (I am a Messy after all).  I will have to call in the big guns: My Mother.

Then, we will move on to the garage.  Organizing the garage will mainly be renting a dumpster and throwing out all of the crap we have in there (and of course donating what we feel others will get some use out of).  This is where all of our stuff that we have been purging is now.  Like, piles and piles of stuff we now we don’t want IN the house but need to make decisions about.  I am not looking forward to that.  It scares me.  But, my man will be by my side, to protect me from whatever lurks behind that old dog bed I won’t put in my washing machine.

Where, you ask, am I getting my inspiration for organizing?  I am following a few really beautiful blogs full of tips and tricks to dominate the world.

A Bowl Full of Lemons

Messies Anonymous  

Ask Anna

Organizing Made Fun

What will I have time to do when I don’t spend an hour looking for paperwork I need or my other Gryffindor sock?  I’m giddy just thinking about it.

 

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I Only Complained Twice Yesterday

And, one was meant as a joke.

It got me thinking about what I say and why I say it.  I used humor a lot.  I wonder if my humor comes across as too negative.  And, I wonder if I should reevaluate the way I joke around.

I’m going to table that and work on it later this month when I have less on my plate.  Anyhoo….

Today, I am going to work hard at not yelling at my children because they are driving me nuts right now.   Butch is in his room for an hour and a half and Sundance is probably going to be following him soon.

I love that they can do their own laundry now, but damn they have some attitude when they want to.

That’s not really a complaint, more of an observation.

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I Blew It By 6:15

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Last night, I committed to going 24 hours without complaining. This morning, I woke up complaining. About stupid stuff I have no control over. Then, I went to work and complained more about stuff that really wasn’t so bad.

I’m going to give it another try tomorrow.

Now, I do have a self deprecating humor sometimes. I don’t mind making people laugh at my expense. But, I’m going to count that. That’s a complaint. None of that tomorrow either.

You reap what you sow.

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Challenge Accepted

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I’ll report back tomorrow night.

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L.L. Bean Just Won a Customer

Back when Butch was in Kindergarten and Sundance was in preschool I bought them new backpacks from LL Bean.  I bought them each a Book Pack.  One in red and one in blue.  I spent a little more for them than I ever had  for  something like  a backpack,  but figured it would be worth it since they had a lifetime guarantee.

Then, six years later, the zipper on Butch’s backpack broke.  I called L.L. Bean, and explained what happened.  They didn’t even ask any questions.  They just sent me a link to a postage paid mailing label and told me that the item was on back order and it might take a while (it was back to school time).  I put that bad boy in a shoe box and shipped it off.

Yesterday, UPS delivered a brand new red Book Pack.

That easy.  I am very impressed.

I admire that.   I admire a company that not only stands by its products, but doesn’t make you feel bad for expecting it to do so.

Thanks, L.L. Bean, for respecting me and my hard-earned dollar.  I’ll be back.

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I Have a Bad Habit of Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

I may have done that again.  You see, sometimes I don’t like to choose between two things I want.

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On December 7th, San Antonio hosts the Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I love that run.  I did it last year and had a great time.  I can’t NOT do it.  I’m trying to round-up a bunch of ladies to do it with me.  I already have a few girls going and it is guaranteed to be a blast with just them, so I am looking forward to it!

But, that night is San Antonio’s very first night-time half marathon, the Illuminations Half.  It sounds so cool.  I’ve only done one other night event and I thought it was awesome.  And, the medal is so pretty.  And, I love the idea of running an event every year since it started and here’s my chance to do that.  I just have to do this one too.  And, I’d really like to cut at least 15 minutes off my Disney Half Time.

So, December 7th is going to be a big day for me.  I need to get back to strength training, especially my knees and ankles.

I think I can do it.  I think I can chew all of this.  Won’t know unless I try, huh?

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